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Falling In The Outhouse

This is not an old folk’s tale

Nor a flight of fantasy

It made the news the other day

And I read it with horror and glee

A woman on hike in Washington state

Soon found that she needed to pee

Like most of us she traveled with phone

But did not use the option “hands free”

“Luckily” near was a wooden outhouse

She hoped it would do just the trick

‘Cause when you “got to go” you’ve no other choice

You hold your breath and do it quick

I think you can guess what happened next

The phone fell from her hand and dropped in

Down in the hole where everything goes

To the sounds of dismay and chagrin!

So most of us folks would call it a day

Head home with a sigh and a wave

No not this woman she wouldn’t give up

Her phone was a thing she must save

She fashioned a tether with leashes of dog

I think she was trying her best

It didn’t quite work, and the next thing you know

She landed headfirst in that mess

We’re all yelling ewwww and cover our eyes

For the thought is too awful to face

I cannot imagine what it would be like

To wallow in raw human waste!

But ironically that phone saved the day

It worked still though soiled and stinking

The fire department was soon on its way

But I wonder just what they were thinking!

Arrived at that spot and devised a good plan

A platform was built in the pile

She soon was in reach and they lifted her out

And I do hope she managed to smile!

After a cleaning they told her what’s best

With a medical team go confer

No telling what things that she might have picked up

You simply could not be too sure!

But this woman wanted to get to her home

She thanked them and went on her way

Without any poise but at least with her phone

And desire to put an end to this day!

The media came, what a story this was!

‘Cause firemen are best at the worst

They had to admit that in forty odd years

A rescue like this was their first!

Don’t be alarmed ‘cause this story is gross

And I swear as I’m standing it’s true

Don’t learn the hard way and suffer her fate

Please resist using phones in the loo!

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