This is not an old folk’s tale
Nor a flight of fantasy
It made the news the other day
And I read it with horror and glee
A woman on hike in Washington state
Soon found that she needed to pee
Like most of us she traveled with phone
But did not use the option “hands free”
“Luckily” near was a wooden outhouse
She hoped it would do just the trick
‘Cause when you “got to go” you’ve no other choice
You hold your breath and do it quick
I think you can guess what happened next
The phone fell from her hand and dropped in
Down in the hole where everything goes
To the sounds of dismay and chagrin!
So most of us folks would call it a day
Head home with a sigh and a wave
No not this woman she wouldn’t give up
Her phone was a thing she must save
She fashioned a tether with leashes of dog
I think she was trying her best
It didn’t quite work, and the next thing you know
She landed headfirst in that mess
We’re all yelling ewwww and cover our eyes
For the thought is too awful to face
I cannot imagine what it would be like
To wallow in raw human waste!
But ironically that phone saved the day
It worked still though soiled and stinking
The fire department was soon on its way
But I wonder just what they were thinking!
Arrived at that spot and devised a good plan
A platform was built in the pile
She soon was in reach and they lifted her out
And I do hope she managed to smile!
After a cleaning they told her what’s best
With a medical team go confer
No telling what things that she might have picked up
You simply could not be too sure!
But this woman wanted to get to her home
She thanked them and went on her way
Without any poise but at least with her phone
And desire to put an end to this day!
The media came, what a story this was!
‘Cause firemen are best at the worst
They had to admit that in forty odd years
A rescue like this was their first!
Don’t be alarmed ‘cause this story is gross
And I swear as I’m standing it’s true
Don’t learn the hard way and suffer her fate
Please resist using phones in the loo!